In the Diner #1: The 90s

In the diner, on a quiet afternoon, two young men sat having a hushed conversation. They were seated across from each other at a booth in the back. The dark-haired one cast furtive glances around the diner. His light-haired companion rolled his eyes. “Jeremy. We are fine. We are not going to get caught, okay? There were no cameras, no witnesses. So calm. The fuck. Down.”

Jeremy jumping slightly, and ran his fingers nervously through his hair. “I don’t know Nate. This just doesn’t feel right man. This isn’t what I signed up for. I thought it would be cool, dude. Discovering hot new alien chicks or some shit. But man, this is too real. I don’t think I can do it.”

Nate stared sadly at the table for a few moments. He’d been hoping it wouldn’t come to this. He wanted to believe that Jeremy just needed more time. He would come around. He looked rather dapper in this suit.

With a disappointed sigh Nate took a small object out of his pocket. He gave Jeremy one last sad smile as he held it in front of his face. “It’s been real, man. I guess you’re just not cut out for the Men in Black.”

An Open Letter from the Wife of the Giant and Others Like Her

You all move on and what is left? I am left behind to clean up the mess. The food and the bones and shit you left, forgotten and unwanted; just like me. Forever the girl of someone else's dreams. I had those once; dreams, and ideas and plans for a future. But you stole me from that. You used me, and abused me, and then forced me to clean up after you and your ‘friends.’

You know those men have no respect for you right? They are simply here to wine and dine on your dime. And if the money runs out? They will simply move on to the next chump. The next man who has a dollar or two to throw their way. They will turn on you in a heartbeat, you mean nothing to them.

Much like I mean nothing to you.

The Truth of Cinderella

Cinderella right? It’s all about Cinderella. Always and forever let’s talk about the girl who was always “nice” always “good”. Let’s talk about the one who cried to her fairy godmother every single time that she didn’t get what she wanted. Cinderella who had everyone wrapped around her little finger.

Cinderella’s first big test was the day her mother died. The stories have her at her mother’s bedside, being a sad and dutiful daughter. The stories lie. The day her mother died Ella was next door getting to know the neighbor’s stable boy. Intimately. Ella’s mother died sad and alone.

Her next test was the day her father remarried. Ella’s “evil” stepmother was the daughter of a merchant and the widow of a minor nobleman. She had one child, a daughter who was a few years older than Ella. Her name was Primrose, she was a sweet quiet girl who didn’t have two brain cells to rub together. She did not have the wherewithal to come up with a name like “Cinderella”. Ella picked that one herself, it was all part of her master plan.

Step One: When Ella’s father got remarried, he made sure that Ella approved first. There were dinners, and dances, and boatloads of social events; all in an effort to bring Ella closer to her future family. Ella played along, acted the dutiful daughter, and said all the right things. “Oh father, I only wish for you to be happy.” All lies of course.

When it came to the wedding, it was time to act. Ella destroyed her dress. Rips, tears, and wine everywhere. The dress was ruined, Primrose was blamed. She didn’t know enough to defend herself. Her mother tried and was immediately accused of favoritism. Obviously, her daughter did it. Who else would? Who else could?

The wedding continued, but the day was ruined.

Step Two involved establishing the pattern. More clothes ruined, chores left undone. “But those were Primrose’s chores. I completed all of mine.” Lies too. She tells nothing but lies. The nickname starts now too. Every once in a while Primrose will drop a “cinder” in front of Ella’s name. She has been coached, been taught to do this. Cinderella can convince her to do just about anything.

The harder she pushes, the more her stepmother pushes back. She yells at Ella to do her chores. She tells her that she can’t go outside until the house is clean, she isn’t allowed to go out, to socialize. Ella’s evil stepmother is slowly choking out her life.

Step Three is the most important step. Ella needs her father out of the house. He’s the only one who could foil her plans now, the one man who may know how the story really goes. So she sends him on a quest. Ella needs a husband, but not just any husband; she needs the best husband. Ella needs someone who is foreign, and exotic. She needs a man who can truly appreciate her goodness, kindness, and beauty. Ella needs a man with a single brother because she can’t marry until her older sister does.

Finally with her father out of the way Ella can make real progress. The fights get loud and somehow there is always a window open nearby. All the neighbors hear. Stories are spread. Poor Cinderella. The moment her father left the steps showed their true colors. Of course, they were evil all along. Aren’t they always? This is when the plan truly begins to take shape. Poor Ella, poor Cinderella, once the queen of her castle and now a slave expected to clean up after them all. She is no longer allowed new things. She owns many dresses but wears the same one each day. Of course, Primrose laid claim to the rest, didn’t she? Cinderella is the victim here after all.

Time passes and soon there will be a grand ball in honor of the prince and his come of age. All women are invited, and all the women are excited. Primrose and her mother will be attending, of course. But what about poor Cinderella?

Before Cinderella is allowed to go she must complete her chores. All of her chores. She sits and sulks in the ash while her steps get ready. They wait as long as they can before giving up and going without her. She waits an extra couple of minutes before kneeling in front of the fireplace. There she cries and begs for help. It’s not the first time, it won't be the last. She only has the one request. She wishes to go to the ball, and of course, I do what I can, being her fairy godmother. I grant her wish, I always do. Cinderella meets the prince.

You know the rest of the story, the ending never really changes.

Cinderella marries her prince after much confusion, and too many women trying to walk a mile in her shoes. Her father dies of a foreign and exotic disease while failing to find a husband. Primrose stays an old maid and lives out her life caring for her mother, now a two-time widow.

Finally the Immortal Fairy Godmother. I didn’t learn the truth about Cinderella until I had made all of her dreams come true. I try to correct it, to get the real story out. But I can only spread the truth one telling at a time.

The End